Year of Music

At the beginning of this year, I felt that the Lord was saying "Listen to my voice." And He was encouraging me to declare this year as a year of music. Songwriting, recording, learning, stepping out of all that is comfortable for me. As a mom of four now, making music a priority sounds like a lofty idea. Where do I fit in songwriting into my schedule of pick-ups, drop-offs, finding those special moments with each son, and being married, and ministry, and yes the list goes on.

It's been over 3 years now since my family joined a church planting team through my church, and I've come to an important crossroads for myself. I really find the place of replenishment in connecting with God through music. So this must become a priority. I've been finding moments to squeeze into the little space in our garage in order to use our upright piano. Singing and playing often brings the tribe into the garage as well and it becomes family sing-a-long time. My heart is stirring again with dreams of what God is dreaming, not only for me personally but naturally for my sons.

Through this decision, I have been experiencing the most intense battle over my life. Things that I've suppressed over the years are resurfacing, and it gets ugly sometimes. Words like "breakthrough" and "inner healing" come off my tongue so often these days. It's God's heart that we don't stay the same, but continue the healing process with Him. More freedom and more healing brings us further into His purpose and His presence.

So my next step in this year of music, is planning my trip to WorshipU at Bethel Church this summer. This is a big deal for me and for my whole family. My husband and sons will be joining me for the second week of the school as we attempt to make it a family vacation as well. I'm dreaming about how to finance this trip, as it will cost about $1,200 for the tuition, meals, lodging, and vehicle costs for the first week.

If you would like to partner with me for this trip, I will send you 3 songs that I will be recording in the next 6 months as a "thank you!" My goal is to record 6 songs this year! I will update you on how my fundraising is going through other ideas I have as well. I'll include here my paypal.me link you can use as the easiest way to support me. PayPal.me/AEns.

Thanks to a few family and friends, my tuition for WorshipU is half-way covered! Wow! Just $480 left! I've started another fundraising effort, which you can find here: www.booster.com/worshipu-2017-fundraiser

470 / 950 (49.47%)

My hope in posting this is that you will be encouraged to dust off those dreams that are buried in the corner, and allow God to breathe new life into them. Let Him direct your steps as you draw closer to Him.

Making Way for the Redemptive

Truth overcomes every time...every time!

I don't know how many times I have lead worship singing, "you make all things work together for my good" and just have moved past that Fatherly truth for me, because I am not able to wrap my heart around it. But his truth for us is that the sad stories in our lives make a way for the redemptive.

Movies just wouldn't be fun to watch if there was no conflict, right? Through the conflict, comes the breakthrough. Through recognition of a real problem, comes the solution, a way to make things right. And I live for the moment the chaotic becomes calm. When relationships are able to go to the next level is usually after some tension buildup and the working through that tension. And a deeper bond is formed.

So much "sad" has happened in my life recently. So many things that just do not seem like they should happen in a short time frame. Accidental deaths, purposeful deaths, timely deaths, prolonged sickness, financial crisis, crisis of life direction and calling...and on and on. It would be enough for some to take a month break from doing anything just to process through it. I think that is my tendency. Just sit down and think until I can move again. There is a time and place for that!

What is this life that I have, if I can't understand why I am here?

Why does my heart keep beating?

What is the deeper heartbeat in my life?

There is Someone who keeps me, and who wants me here. It has taken my eyesight off of my circumstances and onto the truth that this actually is not my home! With a family to think of, it is so easy to just maintain the family dynamic of growth, love, and discipline. But when that gets disrupted, I remember that my life is not my own. That my sons have a mighty, loving Heavenly Father! Our Savior has come from a Kingdom that is not of this world.

If I don't live for that Kingdom with my family, I quickly become disillusioned. His kingdom is so different from the one I see before me. It is so easy to just maintain the status quo, until something comes to alter the serene and questions rise up.

My heart and life are meant to live for redemption! It beats in my heart stronger than the pain of separation from loved ones.

Our God is a redemptive Father! If you feel disillusioned, take this truth to heart. There is a bigger story happening right now. Redemption is coming like a messenger on the horizon, coming just in time to find one who has lost hope and needs to be lifted from disparity.

God lift us from despair, and put within us a heartbeat for redemption. That is your story Lord Jesus, let it be ours!

My Master

The Lord has really been speaking gently to me about Him being my Master. It is such a rare word in our vocabulary these days. But it's been such a beautiful thing that the Lord's been taking me through; being able to call Him my Master.

He's reminded me of Mary, the mother of Jesus, saying yes to the Lord to carry and birth the Son of God. She said to the angel, "I am a hand-maiden (bond-slave) of the Lord, may it be to me according to Your word." She trusted her whole life and future into the hands of the Lord so willingly and so wholly! This is my statement to the Lord lately. That I would hear His instructions and that I would say without any hinderance, "yes!"

Christy Nockels wrote a song a few years back entitled, "My Master." I just now stumbled upon what she wrote about the significance of that to her. I could not have said this better, so here are her words:

My dad has been a pastor for as long as I can remember. One of my favorite messages that he used to share was from Exodus 21: 1-6. It's about Hebrew slaves and the process they would go through with their masters after they had served their time. Basically, upon the 7th year, they could go free, or choose to stay. He would tell about the process of the Hebrew slave choosing to stay with their master, even after they were free to go. The slave would publicly go before the community and declare, "I love my master, I will not go free". Then, their ear would be pierced, and the blood would signify a lasting covenant with their master...one made by choice and for all to hear.

He beautifully tied this to our relationship with Jesus, our Master, and reminded us that the disciples often would call themselves "bond slaves" of Christ. We have a will, but when we choose to align ours with His, this brings true freedom and love like we've never known. After he shared this message one night, he felt led to have our church respond in a very unique way... That night many of us lined the aisles of that old church and took the hand of one of the leaders and publicly confessed, "I love my Master, I will not go free". As a teen, that had a great impact on me as those words came from my heart and my mouth, and it still does to this day... Serving and calling Jesus "Master" doesn't' seem to be a real popular thing in this world to have rolling around in your vocabulary and in your everyday life. However, I am compelled to tell of the joy and freedom I have experienced in serving my Master. I will tell of His mighty ways, drawing near to Him and remembering what He has saved me from! Of this, I will forever sing!

Sometimes you need a push!

"Mommy, can you push me?
MOMMY, can you PUSH MEEEEE?"

I hear this question so frequently it's really ridiculous. I want to ask him, "Levi, can't you just pump your legs already?" But I know that at 3 1/2 he is not yet capable of swinging by himself, and he does need me to stand there and push him for about half an hour! But I do have the hope that someday, he'll be able to do it on his own.

I've been thinking about purpose and passion lately. It's been the theme of our church for a few weeks now. My pastor came up to me this Sunday before I stepped up to lead worship, and he said to me, "You are an original! Are you happy to be an original?" And he had me repeat after him that I am an ORIGINAL!

I can get trapped in the thinking so often that I'm not like this person, or this person...so where do I fit in? How can I camouflage myself, is the question I'm really asking!

I remember when I was in the worship band playing the keyboard and singing back-up vocals for years! Occasionally the Lord would whisper in my heart, "You are a worship leader, Anne." It was so quiet, and yet He kept reminding me of His dream for me. And my pastor would come ask me from time to time, "so when are you going to come out from behind the keys, and LEAD?"

It was a push.

I had no way of knowing how deep of a calling it was on my life until I finally lead a song one Sunday! And I loved it. But it was a slow process of uncovering my confidence, my talent, and my passion to be a lead worshipper. And it still is a temptation I fall into too frequently, to compare myself to the other worship leaders, the other leaders in the church, especially when I've just stepped out in confidence to lead the church.

But the Lord doesn't want me to be camouflaged in the church. His heart is for me to step up and fill the space that only I can fill in the church, in life, in my home, in my family. And I have recognized that since I've needed that push from the Lord and from my pastors and family, others around me need one too.

Who doesn't want to be believed in? Anyone? EVERYONE needs a push into their calling and their destiny until they can stand on their own with confidence! The church needs ORIGINALS, the church needs to be called into their giftings. Don't hold back your affirmation from those who are just trying something out, seeing how it fits on them. Give them a push that is backed by the Father.

Cease your striving, and know that He is God!

Right now in the world, "chaos" seems to be the best word to describe the current events unfolding before our eyes and ears. Earthquakes, tsunamis, wars, are the big obvious tremblings on the earth. But there are also social and political wars attempting to trample out the very belief in us that our Creator God is alive and good and that our Savior Jesus Christ is coming again. As a mother, I look at what's happening and can easily give in to anxiety and fear of what's to come upon us. And with the prophesies found in the book of Revelation, I know the church as a whole, across the whole world, will experience persecution like we've never known...while we hold unswervingly to the great Hope that our God wins the war.

Our God wins! Our God is greater than the enemy who stands to oppose Him and oppose us who believe in Him. I get so excited to really enter into the praise and lifting up of our God! I love declaring the greatness of Him in my home and with the larger church. It catapults me into real faith, not something conjured up by emotions, but something powerful and effective. Sometimes it's proclaiming faith in the Lord by speaking, but mostly the church is at its strongest when we are declaring his praises in song together. I know God has created us this way.

I've always had in my mind as I lead worship, that in the Old Testament, singers often went first before a battle. The singers went first! What a crazy idea. With this fact comes several questions. Did they wear armor? Were they just out on the front lines, vulnerable to the oncoming attacks from the enemy? Were they seen as part of the army? And what did they sing? This last question, can be easily answered in scripture.

In 2 Chronicles chapter 20, King Jehoshaphat was coming against a large enemy army. He had the whole nation of Judah come together in worship and praise of God before they marched out. And then before the battle, he "appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying, 'Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.'" And the Lord won the battle, by turning the enemy into confusion they killed themselves instead of fighting Judah! 

Darlene Zschech, a well-known worship leader and pastor in Australia wrote a book, Extravagant Worship. She has become one of the people I look up to the most, and fully respect. She writes in the second chapter,

When we, God's people, come into His presence with thanksgiving and praise, warfare is waged against our enemies, and our battles are won by the supernatural power of God. In the face of challenge and persecution, God's people are to unite and praise Him. The Enemy has no chance of winning against people who are consumed with praising God. There is no victory against those who rejoice in God's great glory. 

Later she defines praise, and distinguishes it from other types of worship.

Praise is not a "happy-clappy" song. Priase is not the fast songs before the nice, slow worship songs. Praise is a declaration, a victory cry, proclaiming faith to stand firm in the place God has given you. Praise is a proclamation that the Enemy's intent to plunder you will not rock you. Praise declares that you will not be moved by the Enemy's attempt to snatch you away.

In this time of constant battles, we as God's people cannot afford to keep from singing God's praise. It must become a continuous occurrance; within our personal battles, singing loudly with our children, and singing together as the Church...declaring the victory of our great God in the midst of an intimidating Enemy. We have so many unknowns before us and these unknowns can back us into the corner of doubt and fear. This is the time to live in the wonder of our God, who can handle every impossibility in our sight, and can make a way through the chaos to bring peace to His people.